Well, lemme tell ya somethin’ ’bout this Kirk Ferentz fella. He’s some big shot football coach, ya know. Lives in Iowa, that’s what they say. Got himself a pretty nice house, too, I reckon. Big one, with lots of rooms. Heard it has six bedrooms, can you imagine? Six! And eight bathrooms, lordy, who needs that many places to, well, you know.
This Kirk Ferentz, he’s been coachin’ that Iowa team for, shoot, a long time. Over 20 years I heard. Must be doin’ somethin’ right, I guess, to be stayin’ that long. They call his team the Hawkeyes. Sounds kinda fierce, don’t it? He was coachin’ up in Maine before that, but that was a while back.
His house, it’s over there in Iowa City. That’s where the University of Iowa is, you see. Kirk Ferentz’s house, it’s made outta brick, real sturdy lookin’. Built back in ’99, so it ain’t brand new, but it ain’t fallin’ apart neither. They say it’s got 11 rooms in total. That’s a whole lotta house, ain’t it?
He’s got a family, this Kirk Ferentz. A wife, Mary, and a son, Brian, who’s in football, too. Another son, James is also his name, I think. Heard that Brian fella is a coach, too. Runs in the family, I suppose.
Now, this house of his, it’s got over 5,000 square feet. I don’t even know what a square foot is, but it sounds like a lot. Plenty of room to roam around, I reckon. They say it’s got that “Midwestern charm.” I reckon that means it’s just a good, solid house. Nothin’ too fancy, but nice, ya know?
They say he makes a lot of money, this Kirk Ferentz. Millions, I heard. $4.5 million a year or somethin’ like that. And he’s worth, get this, $30 million. That’s more money than I can even fathom. Enough to buy a whole lotta pie, that’s for sure! This Kirk Ferentz’s salary is really high.
He’s been coachin’ for 28 seasons, 25 for Iowa Hawkeyes, I reckon that’s more’n most folks work in their whole lives. Got a record of 208 wins and 140 losses. Sounds like he wins more than he loses, so that’s good. They say his contract goes all the way to 2029. He’ll be an old man by then, just like me!
So, this Kirk Ferentz, he’s a big deal in that football world. Coaches those Iowa Hawkeyes, makes a heap of money, and lives in a big ol’ house in Iowa City. Kirk Ferentz’s net worth is high, right? Seems like a pretty good life, don’t it? ‘Cept for all that pressure, I reckon. I wouldn’t want that. I’d rather just sit on my porch and watch the world go by.
They play against some team called the Nebraska Cornhuskers. Sounds like a silly name to me. But I guess those football folks like their fancy names. He’s been coachin’ at Iowa so long, he’s kinda like a fixture there. Like an old oak tree, just standin’ there year after year.
Here’s a list of things I heard about that Kirk Ferentz house:
- Six bedrooms, who needs that many?
- Eight bathrooms, Lord have mercy!
- Over 5,000 square feet, whatever that means.
- Made of brick, built in 1999.
- Eleven rooms total, that’s a big house!
- In Iowa City, near the University of Iowa.
- Midwestern charm, that’s what they call it.
Well, that’s all I know about that Kirk Ferentz and his house. He’s livin’ the high life, that’s for sure. Me, I’m just gonna go have a cup of coffee and maybe a piece of pie. That’s the good life, right there.
